Ithink and shed a tear or 5
by manic221
Summary: While sat at home alone Sam has time to think about how she feels about Freddie and why she does the things she does. SEDDIE!


**:D Disclaimer: I do not own Icarly!!!! The only simularity with me and dan is I'm a boy also.**

**AN: hi everyone this is my first ever one shot and I know I meant to be writing A new beginning but you have no idea what im going through with writers block write now this is a filler I hope some of you guys from A new beginning likr Icarly and Seddie because this should be right for you anyway I hope you all enjoy oh and dont forget to review. :D peace out.**

**Ithink and shed a tear or 5 **

I'm sat here my laptop on my lap staring at the screen the boy I really want speak too isn't online I sigh and frown why do I feel like this when he doesn't sign on to IM. I hate this thinking it's just not me...

Freddie what if everything I say and do to you was for a reason? You would laugh tell me I'm lying and I wouldn't argue after all I'm a mean jerk to you. I don't mean to be it's just you don't notice me otherwise your my best friend.

I don't know any more sometimes, sometimes I hate what Carly does to you every time you tell her how you feel she deals an awful blow to you every time, you think I'm rubbing it in when I say Carly will never love you, I'm not I not I'm telling you the way it is I want to say more I want to tell you deserve better but I don't.

Sometimes I wish you knew how much you meant to me, how much I would give up for you just to be your friend.

When you stare at Carly I secretly wish it was me you were staring at I secretly wish that it was me you thought about every minute I wish it was me you proclaimed your love too.

You were my first kiss you have no idea what that meant to me how could I never speak about these things and I don't want a second kiss unless it's from you cause your the only guy

I can ever care about. Your such a dork in everything you do but your always so happy and when you accomplish something awesome for iCarly and your telling us about it though I look bored and like I couldn't care less secretly I'm so very proud of you. It makes me happy that what you do makes you happy.

Momentarily out of my thoughts I check my laptop still not online stupid boy, I just want to speak to you Freddie I want to tell you everything but I won't.

Sometimes when I'm with Carly I can't bear to look at her she's perfect in every way beautiful, funny and caring and I'm just not, at least not beautiful or funny but I do care, that I promise you. There not the reasons I can't bear to look at her though the reason I can't bear to look at her is you, or rather the way she treats you when your proclaiming your love she just shrugs it off, just tells you we can be friends but that's it I've never once heard her apologise to you for not feeling the same. Even I. Even the notorious Sam Puckett would apologise for that and you know how rare that is.

I wish I could tell you "I love you." But I can't... Those three words haunt me whenever I'm with you. When I think I'm going to say them, I insult you instead, bad habit, I guess. They'd be pointless anyway because you could never like me... you're too smart; you would never fall for someone who torments you daily. Freddie you deserve better then Carly, you deserve a better best friend someone whose not afraid to tell you they care about you. I go on about hating Carly sometimes because of the way she treats you well guess what? I hate myself for the same reasons I can't stand to be around Carly sometimes I can't stand to be Me sometimes.

I finally break out my thoughts again checking to see if your online your not of course, Carly is however but I want to speak to you not Carly. I suddenly feel a bit of water dripping off my face I glance up at the ceiling thinking it's leaking. I raise my hand towards my eyes and touch them a little I pull it away and look suspiciously at the water.

"what?" I say to myself

"Am I.... Am I crying?" I say to myself again

Freddie why do you do this to me? Why do I care so damn much? And why is there nothing I can do about it?

You deserve better.....

**The end. **

**AN: pretty good for a boy right? this is actually a rethinking of a one shot I hand wrote a while ago I seemed to have lost it though :( I thought I had forgotten it. But it so hot tonight so I pulled out my Iphone and started typing and here it is and I think it's better and maybe even longer then my original draft. Well review and tell me what you think **


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